midnoodles

Know where you stand, Be mindful, &Always keep pace with your soul <3

Click: Optimism? PosVibes? Word.

about

Mind Doodles
california! socal born &raised, bay area livin'. currently residing in tahoe, just for the summer. 22 years old, independent, working, student, optimist prime ;) family, friends, strangers, pencil, paper, &music.

facebook-hater, instagram-whore, non-hipster, mainstream-media-outcast, fitness-aficionado, 24/7 beach-lover, the ocean, the sunshine, the stars, adrenaline-junkie, tattoos, and piercings, and heights, oh my! plurlife to the next life. no, but really.

*****
Unless otherwise stated or obviously mine, I don't claim ownership to any of the images posted on here.

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midnoodles

I just turned 23 this weekend &I’m craving fresh new changes. Something more exciting. Something life-careers related. Perhaps somewhere new? Not necessarily an entirely new city. But just a new environment, even in the slightest, a new apartment with just myself and one or two other people tops. Two people who have the same living habits and social life as me. Maybe I do want a new location, but I still have a year and a half til I can do that even if I wanted. I feel restricted. I crave something new, I crave it soo badly. Daydreaming. A year and a half from now, unless a great job opportunity comes up or a different responsibility arises, I can teach on a year contract in New York City or Miami. How awesome would that be, definitely a change of environment. Now to wonderlust over pictures.

I cannot sleep for the life of me, even if I tried. Insomnia rarely hits me anymore because of the nightly supplements I take, but for some odd reason I’m up right now &this sucks :|

Some days are harder than others, I think for hours how to get through the next. It’s days like these I wonder why I’m not there with you, but I’m keeping strong and just trying to get through one of those days. 

"Then what is it that you fear, dear?" I was asked. 

"I fear that I’ve put so much heart in to so many things or people that I no longer have or may have never had.

All I wanted was a dad, I never got that.

All I wanted was a friend, that friend raped me.

All I wanted was a foolish teenage love, but that went wrong.

All I wanted was a passionate, raw, first-love, but that went wrong too.” I replied.

"Those were past waves, but what now."

And so I really thought about it.

"I realized if I wanted love, I’d have to love myself &so I did. I fell for me madly &caught myself passionately and unconditionally, the way I always wanted to feel love from another.

&What I have now, a man who loves me for all of me, for my strengths, my courage, my love, but for my weakness, my mistakes, and my flaws as well. I’m so in-love, it scares me to think I could lose something so good.

But what I must remind myself, is that once I loved me first for all of me, I genuinely found people who love me for all of me. So, most importantly, what matters is that I now know that pure, raw, real love exists because I showed myself that. I was my first example and now this man is my second. 

I take the risk to be hurt because I’m worth feeling this kind of love and I found someone worth this kind of love as well. I love him and I love me, so however this ends I truly know it will all be worth it. 

I get it now, I have nothing to fear.”

"When ya know, ya know." Thanks for catching my fall, babe (;

(Source: laughingwithsmoke)